This post is going to be very personal. I’m writing this because I felt awful when my best friend told me that I am cold-hearted and insensitive to how other people feel. I mean I’m the most caring person until it comes to showing you love. I am emotionally distant and before I became this girl, I was that girl that gave her everything and more to people.
The other day I got a text from this guy saying that I’m so full of myself because I didn’t text back. It’s not like that, I’m just saving you from wasting your precious time. To the guys I told that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I did you the biggest favour. I saved you from an emotionally disconnected girl. I fought myself so hard to please my ex-boyfriend, I didn’t really tell him how much I loved him, he just understood that I’ve been hurt so many times. And whenever we have a little fight, instead of working it out, I cry to my sister telling her that I’m over guys and I would never have a boyfriend again. Lol.
Enough of talking about my boring self, let’s talk about you. Most of the time, you don’t care about someone else’s emotion. You try to avoid intimacy and you feel like you can’t even give or receive love. Opening up to someone is so hard, and you have very few people who you trust. Loving someone can be very inconvenient, the best thing to do is gather your feelings and send it to the needy. You avoid relationships because you don’t want to be hurt. You prefer to listen to another persons’ feelings, and not talk about yours.
The truth is that in as much as we try to push away those feelings, we are a bag of emotion. We’ve just locked up our emotions. It doesn’t mean we are not capable of loving (we do love the hardest). We might be numb to feelings but when we open-up, it’s the most amazing thing!! You’ve been through a lot of shit that no one else can imagine but it made you stronger. Being emotionally distant is a choice, and no matter how much someone wants to change you, you would rather be the person you are now. You can only change when you are ready.
Heal yourself before you give yourself out again. We leave a piece of us in every relationship we have, if you keep giving and giving yourself, you would end up with nothing. You wouldn’t want to be that guy/girl that has no love to offer to their partner. It doesn’t matter if it looks like you are selfish, work on yourself. You would give yourself to the right person who would cherish what others could not cherish. I hope you find the love you deserve and more.
Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to❤️❤️.